A premature birth comes with a lot of stress for parents. It’s an emotionally and physically challenging time, that can bring various concerns (including financial aspects, etc.) During this stressful period, it is important that parents do not forget to take care and make time for themselves and each other.
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The family
Partner
In addition to concerns about the child’s health and the well-being, a premature birth and admission to neonatology also impact the relationship between parents. Parents sometimes experience feelings of guilt about the premature birth. The admission of their child can be a very traumatic and difficult period. Sometimes parents relive the premature birth and experience feelings of grief. The stress and anxiety associated with a premature birth can lead to emotional exhaustion. This emotional burden can, in turn, cause tension between parents, making communication more difficult. Each partner experiences the situation differently, reacts in their own way and processes the event in their own manner. This can lead to conflicts and disagreements. It can be challenging to find to right balance between caring for the child and caring for each other and any other children in the family. At the bottom of this page, you will find some tips on how to deal with this.
However, facing a premature birth can also strengthen the relationship between partners. It can create a sense of togetherness, and partners can support each other through this difficult period.
Siblings
Premature birth also has a major impact on the siblings. The birth of a premature brother or sister happens suddenly and unexpectedly. This can be confusing for siblings, as there is little opportunity to prepare them for the arrival of their new sibling.
Siblings are confronted with a baby who needs a lot of medical care. Mom and dad are often away from home, so they are cared by grandparents or other family members and friends. They notice that mom and dad are sad. This situation can raise many questions for them and they often feel overlooked.
It’s therefore important to involve siblings with the hospitalization of their brother or sister. This can be done in various ways. Most of the neonatal units have ‘sibling kits’ that can be used to explain to siblings what is happening with their little brother or sister. More information about these kits can be requested from the nursing staff. In addition, there are picture books and games that can help. One of these games is called ‘The Knights Neo and Nato’. The game, developed by Odisee, University of Applied Sciences, is aimed at children between four and eight years old and seeks to prepare siblings for a visit to the unit in a playful way and increase their involvement. You can find the link to the game here.
The confrontation with a sudden hospitalization or the possible loss of the baby causes feelings of uncertainty and fear in siblings. To help start conversations with siblings about these feelings, a grief kit was designed. This tool supports parents and caregivers in discussing sensitive topics such as grief, saying goodbye and sadness.
Some tips
This paragraph provides a few tips for parents, partners and siblings. You can find concrete advice here.
For parents
- Don't hesitate to ask for support and help from family, friends, other parents or professional caregivers. Daily tasks such as grocery shopping, cooking and cleaning can be taken off your hands. This way, you can free up some extra time to be with your baby or other children, and also take a moment for yourself.
- It's important not to be too strict or critical on yourself. Parents are already doing everything they can and that's more than enough.
- Make sure to get enough rest and sleep, especially when you regularly visit the hospital to be with your child. Lack of sleep can increase stress which may affect your visits with your child.
- Try to eat and drink healthy and sufficiently. Get help from your environment to prepare meals.
- Making time for relaxation is important, so try to find activities that help reduce stress. Examples are meditating, doing yoga, exercising, going to the movies or make a stroll in nature.
- Emotional well-being is also important. It can help to talk to a therapist who's specialized in premature birth. This can support you in coping with the emotional challenges of prematurity and hospitalization in the neonatal unit.
For partners
- Try to communicate openly. It's important to talk with your partner about emotions, worries and thoughts. This way, you know how your partner feels and what they need.
- Be a source of support for each other. Encourage one another, give compliments and help where needed.
- Be patient with each other. Having a premature baby can be very stressful.
- Make time for each other and keep doing enjoyable things together. This can help you stay connected and strengthen your relationship.
- Don't hesitate to seek support. It can be helpful to get assistance from a professional therapist or a support group for parents of premature babies. This can help to process emotions and can strengthen your relationship.
For siblings
- Allow siblings to visit the hospital. This helps them to get to know their baby brother or sister and better understand why mom and dad are away from home so often.
- Use the sibling kits available in the neonatal units. These kits can help explain what is happening with their brother or sister in an understandable way.
- Use picture books to explain to siblings what a stay in the neonatal unit involves in a way they can understand. You can find some ideas on our reading tips page.
- The game 'The Knights Neo and Nato' can prepare siblings in a playful way for a visit to their preterm sibling and increases their involvement.
- Actively involve siblings in the care of their preterm brother or sister and let them help when possible.